turning a new leaf

for the longest time i've been confused and unsettled. i didn't know what to do and didn't want to make mistakes. i still am, i mean, afraid to make a fool of myself. but man, i realized, we only have one life to live. i can't keep worrying about what other people will think or worry that i'm just going to waste my time and money over something trivial. i can't foresee the future. who knows what will happen tomorrow. but i have decided that i will make the most of it.

as a first step, i finally decided that i will take up a course in interior decor. it's not going to be a major career move nor do i intend to really work in that field. i just don't want to keep wondering for the rest of my life. if a lot of things were different when i was younger, i might have studied interior design in college, and it was in a very prestigious school nonetheless. i went on to study something else but i just kept thinking maybe there's something in me that can actually do that sort of job or course or hobby or whatever. well.. i will finally know.

and it doesn't matter if it turns out i can't, my only goal is never having to wonder about what ifs...