long distance friendship

lately, major life changes have happened to my friends and not one of them bothered to say a brief hello and oh, have i told you i - gave birth to a beautiful baby girl or finally got married to my on again off again boyfriend of 8 odd years. i feel left out. i know i am not big on sharing every little news myself but this were not just little news, it's like oh-my-god news.

at least i can always count on good 'ol friendster to update me (when i do happen to check every one of my friend's profile).

i remember when i was in elementary i have lots of friends. friends whom i share secrets with, laugh with, play with and spend weekends with. i remember being really thoughtful too. i often do little things for them. i gave them gifts and cards during their birthdays, made lots of valentine cards, christmas cards and wrote poems for them. and during those times, i had lots of friends.

but then i grew up, got burnt once or twice by friends and i changed. i no longer took time to write poems for them, i not only stopped making cards, i can't even remember buying them one for their bday and rarely took time to do anything with them.

i've always wanted to have that best friend who knows me - inside out. no inhibitions, no secrets. but i find it hard to open up. at the back of my head, i always think sooner or later, they will betray my trust. and that scares me. scares me to open up and let somebody close.

so yeah, ok, maybe i shouldn't whinge about my friends not letting me in on what's happening with their lives either. fair enough.

i just....

miss the old times.