martin called me early in the morning to say... "i thought you might be interested... the All Blacks will be at the Victoria Garden, 12:30 to 1:00 in the afternoon. you can wear black to show your support"... heh! any chance to wear black is good with me.

i almost didn't make it on time but i was glad i did.

it's not that im into rugby that much or the all blacks for that reason but just it's a chance to see new zealand's pride and i was hoping they might do a haka dance (which is the only reason i watch rugby when nz's playing)

i arrived at the park just when the all blacks coach/bus was pulling along the driveway. i don't know how to tell if it's a huge crowd or not since nz population is considerably smaller but it was a good nice crowd that probably missed their lunch break just to show their support.

here are some of the all blacks' players (i overheard that not all the players were present) while singing the national anthem


this is Richie McCaw, all blacks captain

black balloons supposedly for every all blacks supporter (where's mine, i wonder?)


... it was a really positive experience for me. it was very interesting how laid back the crowd was. just imagine, that's all blacks! i mean, it may not mean that much to me but i'm sure it means a lot to kiwis and yet it was such a relaxed atmosphere. no fences to block the crowd, the players were all standing in a slightly elevated ground but nobody was trying to reach out and grab them, no pushing or hysterical screaming - just a fun, easy, laid back crowd gathering there to show their support.

if sorsogueños flocked and blocked the main street of sorsogon just to watch patron saints paraded during the holy week procession, i can't even imagine how chaotic it would be if it were the all blacks (or for the philippines, maybe a basketball team equivalent).

white wine, chocolate and flowers - because i got my work permit!

how sweet is that?!

I traveled so little in my life. Aside from the occasional vacations in Manila, I’ve never really been anywhere but the sleepy town of Sorsogon (now a city but it didn’t change it still being a sleepy town, except for the traffic). I always felt like I have to be someplace else, that one day, someday, I would have to leave Sorsogon and be somewhere else, somewhere farther.

At 26, I was nowhere nearer that “somewhere” than when I first felt I should be there instead of where I was. But the feeling was always there, like a longing for home, to be home.

Then, as if the cosmic universe decided it was the right time to be, I met Martin – in the most unexpected, crazy, and awesome way. I still can’t believe up to this time what happened when it happened. Sometimes I wonder… if we weren’t both at the same place at the same time… would we have met in a different way or a different time? We’re we really destined to meet, no matter how, when, or where? I believe so. Because he’s the man I wished was out there who was meant just for me.

And suddenly, my life is buzzing - places to go, things to do, people to meet. It was like waking up.

I didn’t expect things to happen this fast and yet it feels like it has been a long time ago. It’s just been 2 years, really. You decide then if it’s a long time or a short time.

The moving part is really just a matter of how long until either one does it – no question of its possibility. We can’t just be forever chatmates and meet once or twice a year. That’s not a bf/gf relationship, that’s a divorced couple.

This is the farthest I’ve traveled so far, does that mean this is the “somewhere”? Maybe. I definitely don’t see myself going somewhere just yet.

Leaving wasn't at all hard. I've been out of the house since starting college and have just moved back in 2004 when I got a job closer to home. I guess I'm not your typical girl. During my first week in a boarding house and the first time to be away from home, I was the only person in there not crying out of homesickness. And I feel exactly the same way this time. If anything I was feeling really unhappy at work that I can't wait 'til I'm out. Sure it was sad saying goodbye at the airport but goodbyes are always sad, no matter what. As weird as it may sound, it doesn't feel like I'm not home here – with Martin. I sometimes even feel awkward already referring to Sorsogon as home.

But…

If this is my metamorphosis, I feel like I’m in a cocoon. I may have decided to leave my sleepy, wormy existence but now I feel suspended, unsettled, awkward, unsure and wrapped.

They call it “adjustment period”. I'll call it my cocoon stage.

The weather was surprisingly good for my first two weeks. Nice and warm, ideal for cocoon spinning. It helped ease me to the cold days that will follow.

I had that impression of people here being too friendly for my comfort. It made me feel awkward going out. I am not a particularly perky person and it is an effort to be and I felt obliged to say hello or greet strangers otherwise people would think I’m rude and worried it would reflect on my being non-kiwi. And yet, sometimes I don’t get a hello back, or a smile, which deeply disturbed and sadden me. Did they choose not to be friendly to me because I’m different? It made me even more insecure than I already am. Now, even going out feels like an obligation. Something I have to do once in a while so that I don’t worry Martin.

As small and close knit as a Filipino community may be, people don’t just smile or greet strangers, not even in Sorsogon, where you think everybody knows everybody. We also don’t just go around have dinner or meal at a friend’s house unless there’s an occasion, and even then, you go in groups, just to be sure you know someone there. We also don’t go around talking to every guest in a party. We usually stick with our own group, otherwise, if you’re alone, you mainly chat with the host, whom you know, of course. Occasionally, we chat with strangers too, when it’s a necessity, for flirting, or for lack of better things to do.

Living here is significantly easier. Business transactions are done and dealt with within minutes. Often it is automated, computerized or online so that you don’t have to worry about forms, receipts, or whatever paper works. Most often, you only have to fill out forms once. Bus fares are really cheap especially when you only pay for a maximum of 2 rides a day and all your other rides are free after that. Most establishments or stores accept eftpos payment so you don’t even have to have cash. How convenient is that?

There are definitely a lot of differences between NZ and the Philippines and I’m trying to deal with it as well as I can.

And yet, I am still in my cocoon, no matter how well I’m trying to adjust.

I’m still the one staying at home looking for a job. I’m still the one learning how to relate to other people. I’m still the one who feels insecure not being as open and outgoing as others. I’m still the one who doesn’t know how to act or what to say. I’m still the one who’s not good with small talks. I’m still the one who’s unsure about decisions. I. Still. Am.

It is warm and safe in my cocoon of unemployment. It is warm and safe to be at home and do whatever it is I want to do, when I want to do it.

Indeed, it is nice…

And yet…

I want to get out and spread my wings. I want to see the world and live my life out in the open again. I want to be independent. I want to be productive. Ahh.. there’s so many things I want to be and to do.

I want to be my own person again.