vhang's wedding


after the long wait and the hassles, finally my officemate and friend vhang and her husband got their church wedding.

i saw how she worked out all the details of her wedding - from the cute little beads on her gown to the whole theme of the event. she likes butterflies so much it's all over the place: invitation, misalette, flowergirls (they got butterfly wings), table centerpiece, cake, reception venue, souvenir and thank you note. all that was missing was a real live butterfly fluttering around and it would have been perfect.

i helped with the design and preparation of the misalette and it was so much fun except it took a long time for her to finalize her entourage it also took a while to finish printing it. good thing i also like butterfly (along with stars and half moons and sun and antique, etc) so it wasn't so much of a burden but actually a nice distraction from the boring work at the library.

except for her very dark smoky-eye effect, i'd say vhang looked really pretty. her hair was swept up into a bun with the veil tied around it (i'd say veils that long is one way of making a maid of honor's life hard.. hehe), she got a tube wedding gown with beads flowing from the back of her waist down. good thing she's tall so she didnt seem too lost in all the fabrics.

her groom (husband) also looked nice and comfortable with smiles that probably melted vhang's heart too many times. :-)

there was a low turnout of guests, though. some of the principal sponsors were not around, there were lots of vacant tables at the reception and for the first time in my wedding-attendance life, there were enough (or more) souvenirs than guests.


but all in all i'd say it was a pretty successful wedding. im really happy for vhang. she's worked so hard for this day and now she must enjoy it, savor every minute of this one day in her life.


my own wedding


of course, as always, we come to the question of my own wedding. we have bit and pieces of plans and ideas here and there but there's nothing really definite yet. one thing im sure is i want a garden wedding, if possible under the moonlight (though if that's in nz, it might be cold for a backless wedding gown - not that that's the design i want but we never know... hehe). and also that it's not going to be in the philippines and that's final.

*sigh* it's funny how i have all these ideas of how it should look like and feel like and yet im not really so dead-set on having it when it's not the right time yet. i mean, in my heart i know im ready for it to happen but not too pressured about it like it has to happen this year or next year or whenever year. i love the romantic side of knowing im getting married when we want to and not because we have to or should. i love talking about it with him, knowing it's there, it might even be just around the corner but im not craning my neck to see it coming. :-)



batch tshirt


it was our 10th year since graduating in high school last year and we're only just starting to work on it now like planning and things. we also have our batch tshirt and just saw the design a while ago.

it wasn't the design i was sort of imagining it would be or didn't have the impact that i thought it would have on me like whoa! totally awesome sort of feeling but i'll come around. it's better than nothing. i mean, it might be better when i see the tshirt itself or if the color is a bit darker (hopefully it is) but like risa said, it's a not-so-alumni-tshirt design so that's a good start. at least we can wear it anywhere and it would be cool and not cheesy.

i wonder what plans/activities we'll have for the holy week. our homecoming parade is on black saturday, im not even sure if we're all going to attend that one. it might be fun though now that we've got our tshirt. :-)

fast forwarding to that year when it's our time to host the alumni homecoming: i really feel excited about that time. i hope everybody's able to attend. it doesn't really matter what have become of us, it matters most that we can catch up. heck! it might even be time to say goodbye to old grudges and start all over again. it's been too long and im sure we can all handle ourselves.


torn between warring officemates


it's hard when you're in the middle of a friendship gone sour.

normally it wouldn't be such a big deal to me coz i have nothing to do with the reason of their misunderstanding but being in the same function as both of them kinda makes it hard to stay neutral when you have to chat with just one coz the other wouldn't join you. i try my best though.

as much as i can, i dont say anything against the other without being truthful to myself. sometimes i come close to agreeing about certain things or also doubting but i try hard, really hard, not to add anything especially if it's so obviously fishing for something to throw at the other person. trying to be neutral just sucks when you can't offer anything - not sympathy, not i-got-your-back consolation, nothing. you just sit there, listen to what they're saying and hope to god you don't slip and i feel insensitive doing that. well, at least that keeps me from gossiping.

it's sad to be leaving this way. i dont want to play favorites but of course you favor one over the other.

i am quite lucky that i can avoid any more awkward situations coz im at working at the library and we all have our own offices so we dont have to be in the same place all at once. hay buhay!

memorizing lyrics

i used to know a fairly good amount of what's new in music (at least the mainstream ones) and memorize the lyrics so that i can sing along when it's played on the radio.

work, getting older and myx changed all that. i didnt have time to listen to the radio when i was working 6 days a week, living in a rotten boarding house that all i want to do is go malling. now there's myx. it plays the videos and provides you with the lyrics too! talk about comfort. yep, it is handy but at the expense of me not even remotely trying to memorize the lyrics anymore. i became lazy. it's not myx's fault but i still blame it. :-P


what goes around... comes around

i saw justin timberlake's new video (i dont know how new it still is but since i haven't seen or heard it before, it's still very new to me) "what comes around.. goes around" and i like it.

it feels sort of a sequel to "cry me a river" and seems like still talking about britney. at first i thought it might be about cameron (if they did broke up already) but when i heard these lines...

I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Aint that the way it goes

is it about britney spears or what?

angelo

if ever i had a “first love”, he’s probably that for me. we were close friends in high school. i don’t know when or how or even why i liked him the way i did. as far back as i can remember, i was already impressed with how effortlessly smart he is. i have always been one of the boys so it wasn’t hard to find ways to be friends with him. that’s how our “friendship” started. we were classmates since first year high school and became close during our sophomore year.

i made sure i have extra paper, materials, or ingredients so that i can give it to him just in case, then i’d be on his good side. i made sure my notes were complete and neat so that he’d want to borrow it. i also stay even after class hours (kahit di ako sweeper) if he’s still around. the more time spent together, the better.

and it worked. now we’re like best friends. i don’t know if he considered me as one of his best friends but he was certainly one of mine. we got really close to the point where i began to daydream that maybe, just maybe, he likes me like i like him.

in the hopes that ours will be like a teenage love story with happy ending, i told him how i felt.

that’s when fantasy stopped and reality checked in. he didn’t reciprocate my feelings. he didn’t humiliate me by mocking me but he did something equally hurtful– he’s not my friend anymore. sure we still go out with friends together, i was still always there at their house with friends – but that’s it, with friends – just because we have so many common friends and we’re classmates. everything else changed. stopped.

and yet, no matter what, i had that nasty, jerkish feeling that one day, some day, he’ll realize how stupid he’s been and say he liked me as much as i did.

that didn’t happen.

friends only made it worse. in what they thought as them doing me a favor by grilling him about his “real” feelings, he was just forced to say what he didn’t say before – “No, I don’t have a crush on her.”

of course that came as no surprise but still hurts double to actually hear him say it. he’s not to blame, of course. he was just being truthful (rather than hurt me with a lie).

after what felt like forever (maybe 8 or 9 years) i got over it. not him, IT – that wishful thinking that he’ll knock his head and see things differently – that he might actually like me. that was the start of my “healing process”. little by little, i found that i was able to find love elsewhere. not that it was better but at least it was different. i began to not see guys as either Angelo-like or Angelo-not. i started to actually really like them as they are.

of course, once again, it’s wasn't happily ever after. but then again, maybe because i haven’t found my prince yet.

i guess i must have stopped looking at him oddly, or stopped saying things that makes him uncomfortable because he started talking to me again. yes, talking as in hello? i’m here and not talking as in out of good manners. and that’s fun. i like it, not in a starting-to-be-crazy like but just finally getting over the awkward part and starting fresh.

and i guess we’re friends again – for real.

now he’s not having second thoughts about helping me out because he knows everyone won’t think he’s doing it because he likes me. he’s also starting to talk to me even when he doesn’t have to. i mean, he’s not forced to.

and he calls me Fenny again – not uhmmm… errmm…

for the weirdest moment, i felt something that worried me. it suddenly felt really good being around him again. being his friend again. talking to him again. laughing again. teasing. bonding.

i was concerned. worried.... got a bit loopy.

had to talk to my forever counselor. had to text him that something worries me. so i did.

i asked... is it ok to have a crush on your old crush again? he said, it's ok but with limitations this time. it's ok to just like him but not go crazy about him again.

and i contemplated. am i liking him all over again?

in the midst of confusion, i found clarity with writing about it.

i am not liking him like i liked him before (all over again). i was just merely REMEMBERING.

remembering how it was before, how good the friendship was before all the drama and the silliness. just remembering. not falling in love all over again.

finally, im at peace.

i guess one good thing that came out from remembering and almost going crazy about it is that i loved my martian more now than ever before.

if i couldn't, wouldn't like angelo the way i like him before (now that we finally patched things up) there's no way im going to like somebody else other than martin.

i only just realized that i've been blogging for two years now! wow! talk about time passing by so quickly.

i guess it doesn't feel like two years coz i haven't been blogging too much, really.

i promise i'd try my best to blog more often.

after waiting patiently for 4 weeks (faithful that there is no reason to worry although there is only a week left before my flight), we still haven't heard from the NZ embassy. I called a day after the 4th week only to be brushed off with "refrain from calling us, we'll call you" (reminded me a little bit of job follow-ups). it would have been ok to wait if we didn't pay for the flight already so he decided to try calling the embassy and also had to go through the endless waiting and put on hold just to be cut off or disconnected or not be able to talk to the appropriate person. by monday of the next and crucial week, he was at last able to talk to the visa officer handling my application and a promise of an email within the day. i was already home when he called to say he got an email saying "he's not authorized to follow-up on my behalf" which was really frustrating and annoying because it was such a waste of time to have to wait for that.

i was so annoyed i wanted to give up. again, it isn't that they're asking so many things but the way they're processing it. after sobbing and cursing and feeling helpless, i felt mad. mad enough to be brave to promise i'd call the visa officer myself.

thankfully i did the right thing. i was able to talk to the visa officer directly, was able to explain to her what the urgency was all about and she decided to interview me right then and there.

i knew i was going to go through an interview so i was expecting most of the things she asked me and i believe i answered her questions straighforwardly and honestly.

after the interview, she asked me for contact numbers to verify information on my application.

i felt really good about it. i thought the worst was over.

later in the afternoon, i received a phone call from her (visa officer) advising me to reply to the email she just sent me as soon as possible so that she can decide on my application.

i checked the email and got nervous when i read it. there were issues she raised there that seemed so hard to answer. i hoped martin was online but i know he's home and probably wouldn't expect me to be online. i had no choice but to call him. i had to cancel shopping for souvenir items to answer the very important email. my visit to NZ depended on it.

as soon as i hang up the phone, i rushed to the nearest internet café. he was already online and had read the email, and already have some very good points for each issue raised.

i felt so tired after clicking the send button. it might be the fan hitting me with warm air or tiredness from not knowing what will happen next.

the next day arrived without fail. it's thursday, my flight is saturday but i feel like NZ is still a blurry dream.

after a few hours, i got an acknowledgment from the visa officer and said she will process my paper that day. the only consolation we have for ourselves is that no matter what her decision is, this will be over before the day ends!

thinking that she's got all the she needs, i decided to go out for a walk but right when i was walking out the door, she called asking for additional documents, which we already have anyway but just decided not to send. after these were emailed to her, i got an SMS advising me to call the embassy. she then told me to ask martin to provide them a proof of his citizenship and his work.

these were also promptly sent to them providing them with martin's company website and phone number of his boss in case they still needed to verify the information.

silence after that.

the day went by without a word from her. i continued doing my work as if nothing's going to happen any minute.

i packed my suitcase the night before (through martin's encouragement), just in case. but i haven't done anything final yet like my carry-on bag that i will take to the plane or the authority to travel letter signed by the college president. i even forgot to get my salary because my mind's too busy thinking of non-thinking.

it was almost 5pm. i'm not losing hope but im not so optimistic either. i know she works late.

1o minutes before 5, my cp rang.

"hello?"
"hello. may i speak with feneline?"
"yes, ma'am..."
"yes, feneline, ok na. approved na ang visa mo. oh, good for 2 months yan, ha? siguro naman ok na yan."
"oh, yes, ma'am! thank you!"
"ok, bye."
"thank you, ma'am!"

yyyyyyyyyyyEEEEEyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!