one year ago today, i got my bike. i didn't know how to drive. i didn't know anything about motorbikes either. i just decided to get one and i did. it's a loan that i have to pay for 2 years. i've paid for a year, one more to go.

now, i have a non-professional driver's license, i know how to drive, i've been to as far as a 5-hour drive on my bike, i'm a member of a biker's club where i am (unofficially) the secretary and i'm loving the mobility and freedom it gave me.

next goal - drive a four-wheel.

Please be informed that your application has been placed in
our Managed Queue and will be allocated to a Visa Officer
shortly.

Please wait for a Visa Officer to advise you on the status
of your application within four (4) weeks.

Regards
Visa Section
New Zealand Embassy Manila

1. pre first-meeting

"you're very brave!" that's what i'm always told whenever they hear about my decision to meet him on my own at the airport for the first time ever. most of the time i find it ridiculous. why would it be "being brave"? i had no concern or worries meeting up with him alone. i trust him. i trust us. that no matter what happens - whether the feeling would be the same or one or both of us don't like each other the way we liked each other prior to the meeting - we would still be friends and would treasure each other as we've treasured each other before (without the being cheeky part, though).

as he was flying to manila, i was also travelling to manila. i decided to come up early so that i still have time to do some shopping. i stayed with my friend (from high school). i love her apartment! i've always wanted a lounge like hers - japanese inspired - without sofa or chairs, just pillows and a center table. i also loved her books and how she stamped every one of them "from the library of risa". i read all day waiting for her to take me out but she came home a bit late so we decided to just stay home. she experimented with some seafood leftovers and came up with a yummy seafood pasta! she's a great cook. no wonder her brother talked nothing on his friendster testimonial but her yummy dishes. we had croissant with the pasta and tall glasses of ice-cold soft drinks.

she's very excited for me about the meeting. i'm happy to catch up with her too after so many years. she's been hibernating or being her weird self (claiming she's heliophobic that's why she can't go out during the day) the past years. she's weird but it's always refreshing to talk to her.


2. airport

we both went out of her apartment the same time so she can show me how to go to her place next time i decide to visit her again. we took the mrt so we had to walk for miles (i'm not sure though but if felt like miles) but sometime before arriving at the mrt station we passed by a plant shop so it was fun since she was looking for a green plant to place on her front door.

it was still too early to go the airport so i decided to stroll around and have lunch first. i decided to go against everybody's advice and took a bus instead of a taxi. luckily i found a bus that will pass by the airport. i didn't know where to get off so i waited for the conductor to tell me. he seemed to have forgotten where i'm going that's why they were already heading towards edsa again when i realized that we're out of the airport. i was able to find the airport at last - the one with lots of cars/vehicles and lots more people waiting for their loved ones and friends and business partners or guests. i decided to make a funny sign while waiting outside.

after i've finished making the sign but not signs of martian yet, i decided to pay the entrance fee so i can wait inside the waiting area. still no signs of martian. i don't really know what to expect. some people were watching the monitor while some are eagerly waiting in line. i decided to do both.

my sign made other people laugh. it made me laugh that i made them laugh and hoping that it will make him laugh too.

there were times when i'd see a very tall guy and would think he looks like him but not. but when i saw this guy wearing an orange t-shirt, i knew ever before seeing him completely that it's him.

i crossed the street and came up to him holding the sign high. he saw me first, then he saw the sign, read it and smiled. gosh! that was so perfect. he came up to me and we hugged. hugged like it's not the first time we've seen each other. hug of knowing... of finding. after that we just stood there smiling and grinning.

while waiting for our bus to arrive, we strolled, had a wonderful first dinner, first meal together ever... one of the many first. then we got lost (another first) somewhere in gateway mall (we ended up in the parking area). then our first bus ride together, first night together, first movie we watched together (the pianist - which i didn't really like), first kiss *smiles*, my first try in a 29-seater bus (not that much different from an ordinary air-con bus), my first foot massage from him, first snuggle. gosh! so many firsts they just keep pouring. this has been the best first meeting i've had in my entire life ever!

(to be continued...)

after the unpleasant experience, i wasn't too sure about the application anymore. it worries me that they will ask a different document each time. he suggested paying the airfare so that they won't ask for the sponsorship form anymore. i was hesitant. i already have a very limited time for the processing. i might not get the visa on time that means if we pay for the tickets already, there might be problems with the refunds or re-scheduling. he doesn't mind. all he cares about is that whatever we need is taken care of.

he checked the airline website and learned taht they have good policy on re-scheduling and reimbursements. so i gave it a go.

he wired the money to the travel agency, after two days, i got the eTicket. the travel agency said that's all i need.

so i prepared all the papers again, updated the bank accounts and some entries on the application form and supplementary questionnaire.


i sent it through LBC courier and hopefully by now it's already there, if they have not assessed it yet. now all i have to do is wait. website said i would be contacted if they (still) need to see some more documents. hopefully this time i sent all they need to see.

he called the immigration office in nz and they told him that i wouldn't need the letters and the pictures anymore because i am not applying on the basis of partnership and taht the only itinerary that i need is the ticket or the booking certificate.

hopeful.

habang masamang masama ang loob ko, may isang tao na nagpagaan neto.

pagkatapos kong mag-iiyak sa labas ng bpi building, sa bus, sa mrt, sa food court - naisipan kong mag-internet. kailangan kong ilabas ang sama ng loob ko. kailangan kong sabihin sa kanya kung ano ang nangyari at kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. hindi ako nagpakabait sa email. talagang nagmura ako. di bale nang isipin niyang nag-over react ako or masyado akong emotional. di bale na... basta yon ang nararamdaman ko.

pagkatapos habang hinihintay ko ang byaheng 6:30pm ng bus, naisip ko manood na lang kaya ako ng sine? kahit di maganda ang palabas, meron lang akong matambayan. at least kung maiyak man ulit ako, walang makakakita. kesa naman emote ako ng emote sa food court. baka mapagkamalan pa akong baliw.

buti na lang naisip kong bilhin na muna yong pinapabili ng kapatid ko bago pumasok sa sinehan. tyempong paalis ako sa tapat ng sinehan nang mag-ring ang cellphone ko.

sya.

hindi pa man, naiiyak na naman ako. alam ko nabasa na nya ang email ko.

********

damang dama ko ang pag-aalala mo. dahil don, lalo lang akong naiyak. grabe ang iyak ko sa fourth floor ng ali mall. buti na lang konti lang ang tao don sa floor na yon. wala naman kasing masyadong mga boutique kundi arcade at yon ngang moviehouses.

tinanong mo ako kung ano ang nangyari. hindi ako makapagsalita. tulo lang ng tulo ang luha ko. hindi ko mapigil. pinipilit kong tumahan. pero sa tuwing magsasalita ako, lalo lang akong napapaiyak.

nag-alala ako na baka i-try mong i-solve ang sitwasyon. wala ako sa mood para makipag-diskusyon or mag-isip ng solution. walang tama. wala ring mali. hindi lang nagkaintindihan ang lahat.

buti na lang, hinayaan mo lang ako umiyak. umiyak ng umiyak. nakikinig ka lang. huling tinanong mo, kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. alam ko hindi ko na kailangan pang i-elaborate. alam mo na.

matagal tagal din akong umiyak. hanggang sa medyo sa wakas, nakapagsalita din ako ng pakonti konti. pa-hikbi hikbi.

kinuwento ko sayo kung ano ang nangyari. kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. kung ano ang sabi sa akin. at kung anu ano pa.

alam ko, nag-aalala ka. alam ko na kung kaya mo lang, baka lumipad ka na papunta dito para lang i-comfort ako. alam ko. naramdaman ko.

sa buong buhay ko, wala pang akong naiyakan dahil may problema ako. kadalasan, umiiyak lang ako mag-isa. kung umiyak man ako sa harap ng ibang tao, hindi naman ako nagsasalita. hindi rin nila alam kung ano ang problema ko.

hindi pa rin nangyari sa akin yong umiyak at ngumiti sa isang pagkakataon. kadalasan, kapag umiyak ako, maswerte na kung ngumiti ako kinagabihan. matagal kasi akong makabawi sa lungkot. masyado akong maramdamin.

sayo pa lang. ikaw pa lang ang nakakagawa non.

i loved you even more. im so greatful that i have you in my life. i feel so secured knowing that you won't give up when i do.

salamat. maraming maraming salamat....

martian ko.

hindi ako yong tipo ng iyakin. hindi nga ako emotional na tao eh. nagkataon lang siguro na sensitive ako nong araw na yon. pagod, gutom, kinakabahan. hindi talaga ako makapaniwala na wala naman palang mangyayari sa lakad ko. ang dami ko nang nagastos sa pamasahe, nagpaprint pa ako. halos kalahating araw bago ko natapos i-edit para lang mapakonti yong pahina nang ipi-print. nagpa-print din ng mga pictures. isipin mo na lang yong pagtataka ko nong hingin yon samantalang wala naman yon sa nakalistang requirements. andon lang naman lahat ng hinihingi nila sa bahay. nakatago sa isang kahon. ang dali lang ipakita kung nalaman ko lang na kailangan. ang layo ng nilakad ko para lang maghanap ng internet cafe. hinahabol ko kasi ang oras para maprint ko at makumpleto yong hinihingi nilang requirements. naka-high-heeled sandals pa naman ako. pero di ko rin naihabol kasi alas dose na. so nag-decide ako na kinabukasan ko na lang isu-submit. tutal tatlong araw naman ang leave ko.

isipin mo na lang ang inis na naramdaman ko nong pagdating ko kinabukasan, iba na naman ang hinihingi niya sa akin? para bang nakakaloko na ewan? bakit di na lang niya sinabi na ay sori miss ha? partnership itong ina-apply mo, kailangan ko ng sponsorship form at kung anu ano pa. (lintek! pano naman naging partnership eh ni hindi nga kami magkasama? kaya nga ako bibisita don eh, bisita - hindi magpapakasal, hindi ako titira don. please naman miss, pupuntahan ko lang sya kasi miss na miss ko na po yong boyfriend ko)

hindi naman masama ang loob ko na hindi tinanggap yong application ko. masama lang ang loob ko sa attitude nya tungkol sa pag-assess ng papers ko. feeling ko hindi nya masyado binigyan ng tamang pansin at pagpapahalaga. yon bang guilty by assumption na ako na, ay naku! girlfriend to ng foreigner, tiyak magpapa-petition 'to don at partnership ang ina-apply neto. at yong abala na nagawa sakin dahil hindi nya pinag-aralang mabuti ang application ko bago nya binalik at pagkatapos kung anu-ano ang hinihingi. kung sinabi nya sa akin na, palagay ko miss, on the basis of partnership itong application mo. dahil don, kailangan mong magpakita ng mga katunayan about your relationship - tulad ng: letters, pictures, marriage contract (kung kasal), or katunayan na magsama kami sa isang bahay, mga conjugal properties. yong mga ganon. hindi yong basta na lang nyang sinabi, asan ang mga letters, mga pictures.

isipin mo naman, hindi pa nga nya nakikita yong application form ko, yon na agad ang hinihingi nya. hindi pa nga nya nahahawakan yong mga papers eh. kaya kahit ano pa sabihin ko, meron na syang desisyon.

kung sinabi sana nya yong tungkol sa sponsorship form, e di hindi na ako nagpa-print. hindi na rin ako nag-stay pa ng isang araw sa manila. umuwi na lang sana ako kasi di ko rin naman makukuha yong sponsorship form sa 3 araw.

maraming sana...

basta ang alam, maraming syang nasayang sa akin dahil hindi nya in-assess ng maayos ang papeles na hawak ko.

nasayang ang pera ko.
nasayang ang panahon ko.
nasayang ang pagod ko.


nasayang lang ang luha ko.

*opens eyes sleepily, closes eyes and dozes off again*

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

whole household is already up and awake (quite surprising because it is still vacation time for the kids). i felt my cousin stir and carefully inched her way down the double-deck bed. i decided it's time to get up and start my day (excitedly but sleepily), finish what i came there to do and go home. home where my bed is.

my cousin left to work early so i was left to do my morning business. i decided to skip breakfast. sa labas na lang kasi magpapabarya naman ako. dog decided i'm not a baddy and left me alone (finally!).

i went out prepared to have several cutting trips before arriving to my destination but it must be my lucky day - an FX taxi to cubao saved me from going up the LRT station. with my big Pooh On-The-Go bag, i was seated comfortably making plans. carrying the heavy OTG bag would be a problem. so where can i leave it? mum suggested i leave it at the amihan booking office saying that i already have a ticket leaving at 4pm. unfortunately, the booking officer wanted to see my ticket so i said, "oh, i don't have it here. my friend has it." but she's not easily fooled. she asked, "under what name were the tickets reserved" damn.

i had no choice but to carry the bag. i walked from cubao bus terminal to the cubao MRT station. by that time i was already tired and sweaty. i bought some donuts to go. i wasn't able to eat it though.

Buendia station.

That’s me. I got off the coach and walked out of the station. Good thing i only have to ask for direction once and I was on a jeepney, on my way to the embassy (we’re on a taxi the first time). And I also remembered where to get off. Yey!

By now, I know the routine at the lobby so it wasn’t so amusing anymore. Since I have my traveling bag with me, the guard has to inspect my bag especially since the inspection thingy went off a couple of times. I told him it must be the buckles of my belt. And so it was. He recognized me from the day before and wished me good luck. A nice guy.

The waiting area was full of hopeful visa applicants:

Four friends. One was a winner of “Go to NZ to watch Lord of the Rings” (or something) contest. They will go there to apply for a job once they’re there.

Three follow-ups.

Two work permit applicants. They took so long!

One family. Mum eager to experience skiing.

Me.

I was praying to get the same visa officer whom I talked to the first time. She seemed junior to the other one but at least she was nice and friendly. So I did but she didn’t even remember me. How many applicants do they get and how much thought does she give to each application?

I told her I was the one she told to give letters and pictures the other day.

Visa officer: Are you angela?
Mermaid: nope.
Visa officer: ohh.
Mermaid: you told me to show letters and pictures.

*shuffles through the papers*
*sees this one*

Visa officer: I’ve seen this one.

*duh! That’s coz you saw that yesterday!*

Visa officer: and I said I knew where this is.. *tries to remember*
Mermaid: Sagada.
Visa Officer: Yesss.. I remember. Are these all of the pictures?
Mermaid: Yes.

*shuffles again*

Visa Officer: don’t you have a more recent letter?

*duh! In case you haven’t noticed, that’s chronologically arranged. Maybe you would notice if you start actually reading and less just shuffling it*

Visa Officer: ahh.. this is for partnership. That’s why I asked you for the letters and pictures.
Mermaid: nope, it’s not. I just want to visit him.
Visa Officer: who is this Martian?
Mermaid: my boyfriend.
Visa Officer: so it’s partnership.
Mermaid: but I am not applying on the basis of partnership.

*getting confused*

Visa Officer: Who’s paying for the airfare?
Mermaid: he is.
Visa Officer: We need a sponsorship form like this one. *shows sponsorship form*
Mermaid: But he can’t sponsor me coz he’s not yet a NZ citizen or resident
Visa Officer: where is he based now?
Mermaid: in NZ
Visa Officer: what’s his nationality?
Mermaid: British.

*looks at the seemingly senior (or just knows more) visa officer*

Visa Officer: What should I do with this?

*tells her the story but another visa officer is talking on the phone*

Visa Officer: Just a moment, ma’am.
Visa Officer 2: He still has to fill up the sponsorship form.
Visa Officer: There ma’am. He has to fill up the sponsorship form, have it duly signed by the proper authority. He can download it from the website, www.imm *looks at the computer or paper, writes down the website address*

*doesn’t even know their website address!*

Mermaid: but ma’am….
Visa Officer: we need the sponsorship form especially since you have an open-dated reservation.
Mermaid: what open-dated?
Visa Officer: you want to stay in NZ for 2 months.
Mermaid: I’m only applying for 34 days, ma’am.
Visa Officer: then you have to change the date you’re leaving NZ. You placed here September 2 but *shows booking certificate* you’re leaving here September 3.

*frowning and tries to remember if she’s mistaken. Sees that she wrote the correct date*

Visa Officer: Oh, this one is from Singapore. I thought…

*gets a pentel pen and ticks the dates of entry and departure to and from NZ*

Visa Officer: but we still need the sponsorship form because he’s paying for the airfare.
Mermaid: Ma'am can I just sumbit the form to follow?
Visa Offer: *shows me a portion on the supplementary questionnaire* you see ma'am i can't accept your papers now because you don't have a "good travel history"

Mermaid: but can I just post it. I live in Sorsogon.
Visa Officer: Ok, you can post it to us and if you have the sponsorship form, I’ll accept your application. *saying these as if she’s doing me a big favor*

Confused.
Frustrated.
Irritated.
Angry.
Tired.

Cried.